There is the Law of Gravity – And then, there is the Law of Parenthood
A child’s behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.
Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.
The choice of a preschooler’s best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.
A child’s enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent’s enjoyment.
The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.
A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year unless it is the only food in the fridge.
When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ Don’t answer.
Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she’s on the phone.
Never let your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.
The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.